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The Other Side of Self Care

While my previous trip with a friend was amazing and very important, there is another side of self care.  A side that I don’t like to talk about, but I feel that it needs to be mentioned if I want to be honest and helpful about becoming a healthy adult.

This is the side that includes the raw emotions.  The ones that are not at all fun, but are just as, if not more, vital to acknowledge.  You know the ones; that we sweep under the carpet because it’s easier at the time.  Well, if we do that too often, bad things can happen.

The reason I know about this is because of a very special person and her organization.  The Village of the Valley is a non-profit, whose mission is “to help women find connection in order to discover their unique self to improve and cultivate healthy relationships in communities. It is our calling to walk alongside women navigating life’s journey, assist them to identify each woman’s unique purpose, offer support and help in cultivating personal development skills in order to move forward, emboldened to positively impact their families and communities.”

I happened to be one of those extremely fortunate women.  I met Brandi though another amazing woman, Katie, who was gracious enough to share this treasure with me.  I began to meet with Brandi because, like all of us, I had things going on in my life that I didn’t know how to deal with on my own.

Here’s part of what I learned while speaking with Brandi.

It is not healthy to hold your emotions in.  Sure, we should all know this, and we probably do, but life has a way of helping us forget.  I am very guilty of this.  I don’t remember a time when I was comfortable letting my emotions out in front of people.  Unless it was laughter.  I know all about making jokes to hide the awkward, sad emotions.  I guess I felt that sadness would be seen as weakness.  Who knows the reason, and right now it doesn’t matter to me.  All that matters now is that I find a way to let my emotions out in a healthy manner.

While I’m thinking of it, I need to mention that it is perfectly normal for men to show emotion.  Yes, the emotions that are not anger.  And yes, even real, manly men.  I’m tired of hearing that if a man shows any type of emotion that he is weak.  I wonder if that’s where I got it from?  It’s way past time that we allow men to feel.  Period!  We need to allow, accept, and even admire a man that can show emotions.  And not just when someone retires from football.

Oh, hey, did I mention that the sessions with Village of the Valley are completely free?  Yes!  FREE!!!  What an incredible gift.  If you would like to support this amazing resource with a tax-deductible contributions, please click here.

What are some healthy ways of releasing emotions?

Listening to music– fun!  Music makes the world a better place.  Music takes me away, even if only for a short time.

Exercise– fun’ish, okay, not really, but it’s necessary.  You really do feel physically and mentally so much better when you move your body.  You don’t have to do Triathlons.  Just do something.

Talk or write- fun, maybe?  It really helps to talk about your feelings.  Get them out of your head!  If you don’t feel like you have someone to talk to, write about them.

Crying– no fun at all, but yes it’s healthy to cry.  And it’s even okay to cry in front of people.  At least that’s what I’ve been told, so I guess I’ll have to do my best to try it.  Every time I think about finally letting my emotions out, I think about that one episode of FRIENDS when Bruce Willis plays Rachel’s boyfriend and she begs him to share with her.  You know the episode.  It’s a real possibility.  But I guess if those emotions are there, they’ve got to go somewhere.  I’m sure eventually they’d stop flowing.

What are some of the healthy ways you release your emotions?  Leave your ideas in the comments.  I said healthy!

Put Your Own Mask on First- a Lesson in Self Care

I love when the flight attendant tells you that if the plane loses oxygen, that you NEED to put on your own mask first.  That should tell you something about how important it is to make sure you’re taken care of so that you can in turn help someone else.  And you can’t wait for someone else to take care of you, you need to do it yourself!!!

(CHECK OUT THE VIDEO.  IT’S AT THE BOTTOM.)

It has taken me far longer than it should to make time for myself.  But, instead of beating myself up for it, I’ll just be happy I did it, and I will make sure I take the time to do it again.  I recently planned a trip up to Oregon by myself to do a 5K and visit with my old friends.

I also planned a trip to Tucson, to watch the Oregon Ducks play the Arizona Wildcats.  It would be my second ever Ducks game.  The game was on Saturday, but it was a bit of a drive for me, so I planned to stay the weekend.  Any excuse is a good excuse.  I dragged my friend and neighbor, Jessica with me.  She’s a big football fan, too, and was looking forward to the chance to cheer against the Wildcats.

I picked Jessica up after work on Friday, with the promise to her boss that I would return her in time for work on Monday.  On the drive down we decided that we were going to be spontaneous for the weekend.  Not my usual pre-planning of every single detail.  That being said, I did a whole bunch of planning while I packed.  I made sure I brought everything that I could possibly need for a month away from home.  Yes, it was for two nights.  Baby steps.

 

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Navigating the Airport

After taking The Kids to the airport last week for a flight that they were going on by themselves, The Girl mentioned that I should write a “how-to” on finding your way around an airport.

 

What do you do when you’re not a seasoned traveler and you find yourself at an airport all by yourself?  Be prepared.  Info to have before you get there; What airline are you flying?  What time do you board?  What is your flight number?  What are their policies for luggage?  What is acceptable to carry on in your luggage?

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Surviving Twenty Years of Marriage

In honor of today, October 9, 2018, the 20th anniversary of me and The Man, I thought I’d write about how we got this far.

 

 

I have no idea how we’ve made it this far.  Marriage is hard.  But I am thankful every day that we have both made the decision to tolerate each other.  And it really is a decision.  One that you have to make on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, that you’re going to do what it takes to make it work.  Here are a few things that I’ve learned along the way.

 

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Two Meals in One

Every freakin night dinner comes around.  This night was no different.

**some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.

Our plans were to have steak, mushrooms, buckwheat and smoked cauliflower.  The more we can cook in the Traeger, the cooler the house stays.  Especially in the summer!

The Man marinated the flap steak for about half an hour with *some really yummy tasting stuff.  You can marinate over night, but we’re never that organized.

 

 

 

 

 

While the steak marinated, I washed the mushrooms and The Man cut and sauteed them with oil, salt and pepper.  We’re such a good team.

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Meet My Friend Chad.

A little while back, I was surfing through Facebook and I noticed that a friend had just published his first book.  Being one of my goals, I was excited instantly and I had to find out more.

I sent him a message to ask about it, and wouldn’t you know it, it sounded almost identical to the reason I started this blog.  I was on Amazon within minutes and I’m pretty sure I was the first one EVER to buy his book.  I’m going to say I am, cause you can’t prove that I’m not. 

A few days later, “Notes to My Son: Parts 1-10” by Chad Carlson was in my hands.  I couldn’t wait to read it.  I love the lessons that he so thoughtfully captured.  Lessons that will help guide his son (and all who read it) through the journey of this life. 

Continue reading “Meet My Friend Chad.”

Changing a Tire on your Vehicle

Check out the newest video a little further down…..

I’m going to start this by saying that despite my overwhelming lack of knowledge in other areas, I do know how to change a tire on a vehicle.  And I’ve even done it.  No, I’m not talking about the time that I blew a tire on my minivan by hitting the sharp edge of a curb as I was turning onto a street.  It was a different time.  A time that wasn’t my fault.  Our neighborhood was still being built and a stray nail found its way into my tire.

Moving along; the first step once you realize that your tire is flat, is to curse a little bit.  No, don’t do that.  Check to see that it doesn’t just need air.  Maybe you got lucky and can just put air in it.  You should have a tire air pressure gauge.  If you don’t, go get one.  Then you can test the air in the tire.  To do this, on your tire, remove the little plastic cover from the knob where air goes in.  Push the gauge onto the knob and it’ll tell you how much air there is.  If you’re not sure what it’s supposed to be, look in your handy manual.  Usually though, it should be between 30 and 35 PSI (pounds per square inch).  And trust me on this, more is not better.  Kaboom!

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Cleaning out My Closet- The Final Chapter

For the love of Pete, this better be the last post about my closet.  If that wasn’t where I hung my clothes, I would never go back in there.
I’m not going to lie, this one kicked my butt.  I spent several sleepless nights trying to figure out how to finish this stupid closet.  It looked a whole lot better than when I started, but I just couldn’t get it to be magazine cover worthy.  And then it hit me, screw your magazine cover!  I’m not trying to be perfect.  Which is a good thing, because I would fail miserably.  I just want to be comfortable.  I just wanted to be able to “walk in” to my closet without breaking my neck.  Done and done!
I got rid of the clothes that I didn’t wear anymore.  I gave away the purses that I would never use again.  There are no more banana clips or spare fridge parts.  I have the clothes that I still wear, some shoes and that’s still where I keep the medicine.
Yes, I still have many bins of memories, but they bring me joy.  Any time I want, I can go into my closet, open up a bin and go back in time.  I can relive the fun parts of my youth.  The ones that without pictures I wouldn’t know existed.  I can laugh at the pictures of me and my glorious 80’s hair.  I can remember how I felt when I first met The Man.  When I was pregnant with each kid.  When we moved countries and states all those times.
I am going to call this one a win.
Join me in my walk down memory lane….

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Cleaning out My Closet- Part Two

Here is Part One of our story, in case you missed it.

First I’d like to apologize if The Man contacted you to ask you to harass me about finishing up the closet.  I’m sure he hunted down a few of you.

Here’s what I did this week:  The way that I do a lot of unwanted chores is by having other, even less appealing chores to do, and in order to postpone those, I do the first unwanted chore.  Take for example today, I really should be cleaning a bathroom or two, but that’s way lower on the scale than cleaning the closet, so I’ll work on the closet instead.

I’m starting to see some progress.  And the floor.

I have collected all of the unused and expired medicine that I found.  After a little research, I discovered this from the FDA and that from the DEA to help you decide what to do with them.

You may have already seen that I happened upon 18 Oregon Ducks t-shirts and 8 sweaters.  I also came across a pair of Oregon Ducks shorts and a sports bra.  For any of you that don’t know me yet, NO! I did not give any of them away.  I have a plan to make a T-shirt quilt out of them.  Stay tuned for that.  Some day.

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Cleaning out My Closet- Part One

The whole family is gone for several days, and after an entire day of watching the Rugby World Cup Sevens and eating as much as I could, I decided it was time to clean out my closet, and allow it to live up to its name, “walk in” closet.


Day 1: This is really going to surprise The Man.  He’ll probably ask me again if we’re moving.  I am not a clean freak.  There are better things to do than clean.  But every few years I’ll get the energy to clean something.  This year will be our closet.  Luckily, we moved here just over three years ago, so there is just over three years of mess to work on.

When I do clean, I like to make sections to help me get organized.  There is a spot for anything that can be recycled (I may be a slob at home, but I still want a clean planet), things that need to be thrown out (toiletry items that expired in 2001), things that need to be given away (the bright yellow banana clip for hair that I purchased at the Goodwill last year, hoping to relive my glory days) and for things that should be in another room (why is there a drawer from the spare fridge in here).

Continue reading “Cleaning out My Closet- Part One”